Fortune Telling…Wikipedia-style

Check out this awesome review of Band Geek Love by Abby (the) Librarian! I especially liked the part where she admired my use of sarcastic humor. Some people (like my parents and ex-boyfriends and former teachers) have told me that sarcasm wouldn’t get me anywhere, that it’s the lowest form of humor or whatever, and to them I say psssht. Obviously you guys TOTALLY knew what you were talking about, huh? (/sarcasm) (also, I’m just joking).

Thanks Abby! Cool blog, too!

I’ve discovered the fun and highly productive habit of telling my own fortune through clicking on “random article” on Wikipedia. Recently, for an important personal question that I was pondering (let’s just pretend that the question was “Should I open this bag of Haribo gummy bears even though it is likely I’ll end up eating the whole thing?”), the article that came back was this one:

Viratanagari was the capital of king Virata of Matsya Kingdom. It was here that the Pandavas spent their 1 year (out of 13 years) of exile. The modern name of this city is Bairat.

Which…didn’t help at all, actually. I’m pretty sure they didn’t have Haribo gummy bears in ancient India.

So I tried again!

The Hellbender (Cryptobranchus alleganiensis) is a large salamander, native to North America, which inhabits large, swiftly flowing streams with rocky bottoms. Vernacular names include “snot otter”, “devil dog”, and “Allegheny alligator”.

Which was slightly more instructive, considering that at least gummy bears and salamanders are animals. Well, one is a candy, but it looks like an animal…a delicious animal (the gummy bear, that is. Please don’t try and snack on a Hellbender.)

Also, “snot otter” might be the most hilarious juxtaposition of words I have ever seen. It is also my new all-purpose insult (“Stop being such a snot otter!”) So that was worth it right there.

But I figured I should give it one more shot, just in case, and got this:

Hänschen klein“, has been a traditional 19th century German folk song telling of a boy who ventures to the world and returns a man to his family. It is the theme song of Cross of Iron. The title translates to English as “Little Hans”.

Which settled it. Haribo gummy bears ARE from Germany after all.

Clearly that was permission to eat the whole bag, too.

  • Caryn Caldwell

    When it occurs to me, sometimes I’ll play that game with the radio. Ask the universe (or my car dashboard, or just myself) a question then turn the station. The song that comes on has my answer. There’s something comforting about leaving the really important decisions — like whether or not to eat a bag of gummy bears — up to chance, isn’t there? Then if you get sick afterward, you can just blame a song — or a Wikipedia article — for the discomfort.

  • Josie Bloss

    I should totally try the radio technique, too!

  • alyssa.

    i love that youre sarcastic.
    i just started reading band geek love
    and you have updated most of my sayings and comebacks.
    love it.
    and ill have to try the fortune telling thing.
    have you thought of getting a myspace !?

  • Caryn Caldwell

    Josie, you should totally try it. It’s almost as accurate as a Magic Eight Ball, and that’s saying a lot. 😉